Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
