i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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