i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
