If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
