sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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