I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
