my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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