she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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