How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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