dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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