And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
don't judge my taste in strippers
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
