All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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