I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
