Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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