You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
