he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
