hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
