the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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