you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
