I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
