So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
