Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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