my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize