btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
