Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
