Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
