I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
