she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
