I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
