Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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