There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
time to smoke my breakfast
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize