Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
high people should be assigned attendants
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
