You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
