She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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