well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
