idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
