you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
