do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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