there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
