I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
