Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
