Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
