i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
