Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize