Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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