Are we in a gay sports bar?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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