ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
