Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
