this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
