then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
