I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
