she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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