Me too!
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
