i just google imaged poop.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize