Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
