Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
