Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
