So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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