So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
