he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
