i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
