i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
God I need to hump something, right now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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