We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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