He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
