Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
