I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
