great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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