Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
