Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
