I showed him my bush... on skype.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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