my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
