forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
