Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize