I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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