I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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