ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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