I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
