Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
