I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
