And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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