Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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