absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
