She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
