4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
