from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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