Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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