if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
