Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
