My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
