dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
