peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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