My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
