After last night, I could never be a politician.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
