hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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