last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
