My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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