I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My hand turned me down
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
