Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize