My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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