One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
