My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
