Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
