I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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