Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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